whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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