Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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