You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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