Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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