I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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