he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
