Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
