Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
