I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
