i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
two words...techno handjob
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
