Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
