Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
