my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
