i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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