Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
