It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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