What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
