Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
