If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
