Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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