Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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