I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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