Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
