Nicole vs. Life
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
