Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
