The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
