did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
