i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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