i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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