Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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