I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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