Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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