I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
