There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
