a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
