Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
