Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
