Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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