If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
