If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
