I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
