I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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