the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
