she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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