i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
