Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
