I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
