Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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