You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
