member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
